My Confession

There is this guy that I've been in constant contact with (like duh.. There's always a guy.. What else makes life exciting kan?) and usually there are 3 types of guys that I have encountered.

1. Like I've known them my whole life and we get each other so well that we're comfy enough to talk about and do just about anything to, with or in each other's company.

2. Are jackasses that seem like a nice guy but they are the worse kind there is.

And 3. The type of guy who you think you know but time and time again seem to have successfully surprise you. And these are the qualities that attracts you to them. Because there's always something new, exciting and sometimes just a plain "oh my God are you flipping serious?!" situation/statement. This guy is obviously type 3.

For me, despite having a whole list of what I want and don't want in a guy, either they past the list requirements or not, if they failed to attract and keep my attention towards them for long, then it just wouldn't work... And I can't do shit about it. This guy is everything that I want and what I don't want. Does that makes sense? Cause if it doesn't, don't worry. You're not alone. I'm still trying to justify it myself..

Moving on, despite of who he is, at most times, I feel like I don't even deserve him. The reasons why I am denying myself of him are

1. What if he don't feel the same way? What if all these while it's just a fun and games for him?

2. Look at him. He look amazing. Me standing next to him is like a sack of potato standing next to a tower of exquisite chocolate..

3. Evaluating myself, he essentially deserve someone who is so much better than I am.

With that being said, like I said, there are things that I want to do and say but people in general just aren't ready to hear, see or know about it, you included is because when I am left with my imagination, I could think of so many situations and what happens in between that should just be left to my own device.

But since you are curious;

1. I wish I could be very brave and tell this person how I really feel about him and not be afraid of what ever the response is.

2. I wish I could look into his eyes and tell him that I'll do better, I'll be better. I'll be someone who you won't be ashamed standing next to.

3. And lastly, to be able to kiss his brain out. Just so he'll know that I need him just as much as if not more than he'd be needing me.

Up until now, I am in denial. Because I believe that I don't deserve happiness, that he deserves so much more than me, and that everything is against the flow. Hence here I am. Lying on my stomach writing this sad excuse of a confession.

Once, I had someone saying this to me, "At first I tried denying myself of him due to certain restrictions. But the more I fight it, the more intense the feeling became. Eventually, I decided to go with the flow and well here I am.."

To be honest, I wish it was only that easy.. Well easy for attractive and beautiful people like them, sure.. But for people with the likes of me, I don't have those in my bargaining chips in my pile.

Dearly Beloved

Dearly beloved,

We are gather here to withes the union between these two souls in this holy union of matrimony...

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i gave you the suspense right? anyway i was just thinking of what would it feel to say those words, the vows and what not... but me and marriages have a very long long way to go... what freaks me out the most about the marriage procession is the bond you make is forever... the thing about me is that i don't do FOREVER... at least i think i don't... anyway college life have been HECTIC... It have been since 3 months since i haven't talk to my beloved... just now he called me like 5 minutes ago... He made me laugh.. hopefully tomorrow's gonna be just fine... oh how i miss him so much... well that's all for now... 

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just to satisfy u all la k... let's see is i can memories the whole ceremonial rights procession of a matrimony bond...

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Do you Farcella take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? in sickness and in health? in poorer and in richer? till death do you part?

then i say: I...........

And do you _______ take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? in sickness and in health? in poorer and in richer? till death do you part?
then he will say: I.....

heavenly Father, with the power vested in me i bless this ring as a sign of the holy bond they made in your name...

then i take the ring n say: with this ring i thee wedd you, in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the holy spirit, AMEN.

then he take the ring and say: with this ring i thee wedd you, in the name of the father, and of the son and of the holy spirit, AMEN...

with the power vested in me by the church and of the heavenly father, i pronounce you HUSBAND AND WIFE... YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE....

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OMG.... how nice would it be if i were to  marry my beloved.... he is my best friend after all.. i just hope it will come true...

PRAYER: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me such loving and compatible partner... He had match every parts of my heart. However please guide me through this relationship as i fear of the love i have for him is even stronger then the love i have for U oh Lord... therefore please bless our relationship as loving him as my soulmate is only right if it come with your consent.... AMEN...

from the distance

since 5 years ago up until last year, i have been seeing ur face almost every day... now even to say hi is already a bonus for my regime life.. -_-''' anyway i miss u alot... from this distance i had time to reevaluate where we stand in our relationship... i know u n i are in a super complicated relationship hw ever my love 4 u never changed since my heart told me that i love u... i see other change who they love some time once a year, once in 6 months and even once every 3 months... i know that is not love but lust... bt my love 4 u is LOVE not LUST! dear, dear beloved... while u r away from me pls remember me just b4 u sleep... eventhough i wouldn't know bt all will b proven as we meet this year end... honestly dear beloved i miss u so much... i wanna see ur face n i wanna hold that warm hand of ur's... bt my commitment 2 my studies wont let me... I LOVE U...

KASIH BERUBAH

Di angin lalu ku sampaikan kerinduan

Wajah mu ku terbayang

Bersama janjimu ku bawa dalam mimpi

Kubawa dalam mimpi

Malam sunyi rasa sepi

Ku duduk seorang diri

Terbayang wajahmu di awangan

Hidup ku di perantauan

Penuh dengan cubaan

Namun kau tetap jadi pujaan

Walau ku cuba untuk melupakan dikau

Namun ku tak terdaya

Kini ku selalu terkenangkan dirimu

Oh sayang oh sayang ku

Alangkah hancur hati ku

Bila pulang dari rantau

Terlihat kau bersama teman baru

Bertahun lama terpisah

Kiranya kau telah berubah

Janjimu hanya tinggal kenangan

Hatiku menangis dengan seribu pertanyaan

Mengapa oh mengapa ohh yeaa

Dari jauh ku lihat kau berlalu pergi

Berbahagialah di sampingnya

ok u all mesti wonder napa tetiba post lagu emo semenyeh ni.... actually lagu ni best sangat... i meant sya suka lagu ni... lagu ni ada significant dlm ceritera cinta sya... aiseh men... ceritera cinta gitu... muahaha... tapi betul la... lagu ni cam ada significant dia...

Have you ever wonder???

Mark was walking home from school one day when he noticed the boy ahead of him had tripped and dropped all of the books he was carrying, along with two sweaters, a baseball bat, a glove and a small tape recorder. Mark knelt down and helped the boy pick up the scattered articles. Since they were going the same way, he helped to carry part of the burden. As they walked Mark discovered the boy’s name was Bill, that he loved video games, baseball and history, and that he was having lots of trouble with his other subjects and that he had just broken up with his girlfriend. They arrived at Bill’s home first and Mark was invited in for a Coke and to watch some television. The afternoon passed pleasantly with a few laughs and some shared small talk, then Mark went home. They continued to see each other around school, had lunch together once or twice, then both graduated from junior high school. They ended up in the same high school where they had brief contacts over the years. Finally the long awaited senior year came and three weeks before graduation, Bill asked Mark if they could talk.

Bill reminded him of the day years ago when they had first met. “Did you ever wonder why I was carrying so many things home that day?” asked Bill. “You see, I cleaned out my locker because I didn’t want to leave a mess for anyone else. I had stored away some of my mothers sleeping pills and I was going home to commit suicide. But after we spent some time together talking and laughing, I realized that if I had killed myself, I would have missed that time and so many others that might follow. So you see, Mark, when you picked up those books that day, you did a lot more, you saved my life.”

The butterfly couple: Love is...

Two butterflies were in love………One day, they decided to play Hide n Seek…….
During the play…..
Boy Butterfly – “A small game within us”
Girl Butterfly – “OK”
Boy Butterfly – “The one who sits in this flower
tomorrow early in the morning is the one who loves
the other one more…..”
Girl Butterfly – “OK”

Next morning, the boy butterfly waits for the
flower to open so that he can sit before the girl
butterfly does……

Finally, the flower opened…..

What did he see…..?????……..

The girl butterfly had died inside the flower…..

She stayed there all night……so that early in
the morning……as soon as she sees him…….she
can fly to him and tell him how much she loved
him……..

the truth is love is a sacrifise... it's the reason u wake up every morning but also the reason u cry your self to sleep...

have a good day every one... n may love conquer all...

lots of kisses,
Nyx

Falling in love is like a Non-Refundable Store

falling in love is like a non-refundable store where having ur heart taken away from u n even if the feeling aren't mutual, the your heart isnt gonna be returned to u... you can ask them or give them back all the gifts n pictures n cards that they or u had given but one thing that even if u ask for it they couldn't return and it is your 'heart' u can ask for it for all it's worth but at the end of the day u cant get it back...